


I May Not Always Love You (but as Long as There are Stars Above You, No Need to Worry)

by fiveyaaas



Series: The Wife Guy Five Chronicles [12]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Married Couple, Older Man/Younger Woman, One Shot Collection, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Number Five | The Boy, Suicidal Thoughts, Wife Guy Number Five | The Boy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-28
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-12 03:40:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29753505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fiveyaaas/pseuds/fiveyaaas
Summary: When he’d been confronted by himself in Dallas, sent straight to 2019 with the knowledge of what would lead to the apocalypse, he was somewhat grateful for the experience. For one thing, he didn’t wind up in a thirteen year old body, as his alternate self had, and, for another, he was able to go to Vanya immediately, not holding any guilt for doing so.
Relationships: Number Five | The Boy/Vanya Hargreeves
Series: The Wife Guy Five Chronicles [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2171229
Kudos: 21





	I May Not Always Love You (but as Long as There are Stars Above You, No Need to Worry)

**Author's Note:**

> Please read all of the warnings and tags on this! If you skip it, it will not affect your understanding of anything within this series!

When he’d been confronted by himself in Dallas, sent straight to 2019 with the knowledge of what would lead to the apocalypse, he was somewhat grateful for the experience. For one thing, he didn’t wind up in a thirteen year old body, as his alternate self had, and, for another, he was able to go to Vanya immediately, not holding any guilt for doing so. She was excited to see him when he got to her apartment, though she panicked upon seeing where he’d cut the tracker out of his arm. 

It had taken only a short time before they admitted their feelings, shocking all of the others when they announced that they were getting married, though why they were surprised Five didn’t know. They were all aware who he was, after all. What was so surprising that they would want to be happy together? (Or, well, legally she was happy with someone who was  _ not  _ Five Hargreeves, as Five Hargreeves was legally dead, but he didn’t really care about that, as long as they knew.)

However, in the time that it took Vanya to get off her pills, working with a doctor to get her off of them so his lack of expertise on medicine would not endanger her, Five could sense that she was beginning to struggle. Not in a way that he worried she might cause the apocalypse, but in a way where he worried he might lose  _ her,  _ which would destroy him. When he expressed his concerns to her doctor (someone Allison had rumored not to question the… less believable aspects of their life, hoping it would encourage Vanya to speak freely with her), though, she kind of raised her brows and explained that he was worrying too much, which he only accepted  _ might  _ be true when he was seconds away from reading through Vanya’s medical records to make sure she hadn’t said anything concerning. Only the fact that she trusted him as much as she did had kept him from reading them, aware that he would be breaking that trust and going home. 

The night he’d looked long and hard at that filing cabinet, he blinked home to his wife, kissing her on the cheek when he saw her. 

“Did you have a good day today?”

She made a noncommittal noise, and Five wanted to beg her to tell him what was wrong and wanted, more than anything else, to fix it, to make it better for her. He was aware that he couldn’t do  _ everything  _ for her, and he was even aware that his concern was reaching a very  _ bad  _ level. However, he just wanted to make sure that she wouldn’t do anything drastic, wishing he hadn’t told her about the apocalypse or her involvement in it. it hadn’t been until he’d explained that to her, offering to train her with her powers, that she’d gotten like this. 

“You want to talk about it?” Five asked, touching her cheek lightly. “Might help things a little.”

Vanya glanced away, jaw locking, but she didn’t shy away from his touch. “Do you think Allison would rumor me to never be able to use my powers, ever?”

His heart clenched, realizing that she wanted to completely take them away so as not to hurt anybody. That she would suppress a part of herself that  _ had  _ to be important to her, whether or not it had been suppressed. He’d remembered long hours trying to figure out why she had been the only one of them to never manifest powers, helping her try to figure out what they would even be if she had them. More than that, though, he knew how  _ vital  _ his powers were to himself, the very concept of them leaving him causing panic attacks each time he just ran out of energy to use them. 

“Why would you want that?” Five finally asked, trying to control his breathing, wishing that he could turn back to moments before telling her, feeling like her asking for this was the beginning of the end. Not for humanity, but for  _ her.  _ How much would she take away from herself before she had nothing left at all?

She sighed, leaning against his shoulder. “I don’t want to hurt anybody, Five. It’s for the best.”

“Don’t you think that you should wait a bit before making that decision? To make sure that you really mean it?” He rubbed her back as he hugged her. “I mean, yeah, Allison can reverse her rumors, but you would be losing such an important part of yourself...”

“I already have, though. For most of my life, it was gone.” She let him carry her to the couch, laying down on his lap and looking up at him, tears spilling against her cheeks. “That’s the problem, don’t you understand? If I hadn’t had them taken away from me already, maybe I would have been able to control them, but I’ll never control them. I’ll only exist to hurt people, and I don’t—” Her voice cut off as she started sobbing, clutching him tightly. 

“Vanya,” he murmured, brushing tears off her cheek with his thumbs. “You can’t honestly think that you  _ only  _ exist for…” He couldn’t even say the words. “Why would you think that way about yourself?”

“Why  _ wouldn't _ I?” she countered. “I don’t… How can you even stand to be around me when I let  _ you _ suffer?”

And then he understood. It had been impossible to keep any secrets from her once he’d started to confess the information he’d been avoiding telling her during the time she’d detoxed from the drugs in her system. Five had thought that waiting to tell her a few things had been alright, considering the fact that she wasn’t in control of her powers, that neither of them even really knew the  _ scope  _ of her powers, aside from the fact that they were strong enough to end the world. He’d not even really noticed  _ when  _ her face had crumpled as he let her in on all of the thoughts he’d kept from saying to her, only that she’d suddenly gotten  _ bad  _ the next day. Now, though, he could easily figure out why she had hurt so much. 

It hurt him, physically  _ pained  _ him, to know that the reason for her suffering was the knowledge of how much he had suffered in the apocalypse. Though he understood that she was reacting to all of it, there was a reason she’d barely been able to look him in the eye in the past year. He couldn’t stand it, to know that the reason she was staring at him the way she was now was because she felt  _ guilt  _ for something that  _ she  _ hasn’t even done. Yes, there was a version of her that  _ had  _ done that, but the woman standing in front of him was guilty of none of that. 

“Vanya,” he said, setting his hand on her shoulders, wanting to shake her almost. “You cannot blame yourself for what I went through, okay? If for no other reason than it would only make things worse for me.” Because it would, to live with the knowledge that he’d let her know something that was destroying her. “I need you to forgive yourself. For me. Because I  _ can’t _ lose you, and I just… I’m so worried about you.”

“Sorry—”

“Don’t apologize, V. Please.”

She opened her mouth before immediately shutting it, finally nodding. 

“I love you, okay? And you make everything I went through  _ worth  _ it. Every day, just by being with me. Nothing is going to change that.  _ Nothing,  _ Vanya.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I’m _pretty sure_ that Wife Guy Number Five | The Boy will be a tag now, and if not.... well, then, I just wrote a bunch of T-rated fluff and angst bc it’s good for me 😤


End file.
